I Stink It Up at Forgiveness and Grace!

Hi! My name is Kristin, and I suck at forgiving and being forgiven. Granting and accepting grace is also a problem. Again, another reason that I'm the "Okayest Mom". I have a lot of work to do.

 For example, during high school, a childhood friend heard me say something about her that was not so nice. I cannot tell you how many times I think about that and still have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach because that was so mean of me. Why would I ever think to say anything like that? Why didn't I apologize and ask for forgivness? Or, when I yell at my kids, even though I've tried to get through to them other ways, I feel horrible after I yell. And not just for the five minutes following, for days. Or what if I have a bad thought about Travis? I still feel horrible about thinking that way, for a long time.  Then, let's add in the times I wish I had gone to visit my grandparents and parents more often, or my family in general. Honestly, the list is endless. Why? Because evil ol' Satan has control.

Now, the other problem I have, and I guess I need a 12 Step Program, is that I'm great at hanging onto things and holding a grudge. This doesn't happen with everything that goes on in my life, but it has happened quite a few times. Several years ago, there was a person that I thought was my friend. She invited me to go do things with her, we would invite her family over, and our kids would play together. Little did I know, she didn't want to be my friend. She wanted to tear my family apart. So, her friendship wasn't real. It was a situation that if she got close enough to me, she could work her plan. And I'm going to tell you, once I figured out what was going on, this was me...

I swear to goodness, I think this is what my face looked like every time I was around her. But, God was working in my heart. There were so many prayers that I would be able to forgive a person who had deliberately set out to hurt me and my family. After a LONG time, God helped me come to the conclusion that I needed to be forgiving, because upon occasion, would be running into this person. First, because it was making me miserable and bitter, but second, because He showed me that I could be nice to someone, but I DO NOT have to be that person's friend. I don't have to invite them to my home. I don't even have to be at a business diner with them. I can be kind without getting close.

This picture appeared on a friend's timeline on Facebook today. God was definitely talking to me!!!

This definitely doesn't happen in every situation where forgiveness and grace are necessary, but there are a few. I'm a work in progress.

When it comes to my kids, I am doing better at forgiving and giving grace. But, I need to be, because they are so good at forgiving me and granting me grace! It's hard to believe, but sometimes parents make mistakes, and need to be forgiven, too. Remembering that the kids may have had a rough day at school, or they may be really tired or hungry, so they act angry. Instead of listening, I'm really quick to jump in with an answer or a really loud response. It's time to slow down. This picture also appeared on Facebook this morning, so "Yes, God! You have my attention!!!

So, when these feelings of not forgiving myself or others, and not granting that grace come around, I have to say, "Not today, Satan!!"

Well, here's my constant reminder to give grace and be a better acceptor of grace. I got a tattoo on my foot. I had been toying with the idea for a while, doing a lot of research, and getting in touch with friends who had already been inked, but was scared of the pain, aaannnnnddd what people would think of me. Not anymore! Again, from my previous post, I'm the person that God wanted me to be, not what other people want or think I should be. I wanted this tattoo! So yes ma'am, I sure did get one. It says "grace upon grace". It's on the side of my foot, and it won't be seen a lot, but I know it's there. And, I love it, and yes, my parents know that I have a tattoo :)

This tattoo was done at Redeeming Tattoos in Tyler, TX. The artist was Floyd, and he was amazing!!! He fit me into his schedule when he had a 3 month wait list. So, it was meant to be. My best friend went with me. She told me that it would feel like a lot of little bee stings, then, it would go numb. It does not feel like bee stings, and it doesn't go numb, but it was worth it!! I sweated through the back of my shirt, and I didn't have to hold anyone's hand. Thanks for supporting me, Lindsey!!!

So when you feel like people have done you wrong, or that things are not going your way, be quick to offer forgiveness and grace. Be better than this okay mom. As Lysa TerKeurst says in her book "Unglued", we are all making "imperfect progress", and we are all on this journey together!