For the Love of a Tween...

 Every day, I look forward to picking up my kids from daycare and school. My oldest daughter is 11, and she has swim team every afternoon for her athletics class. Each morning, I tell her to grab a snack, because I know and she knows that after swim, she will be hungry. So, I go pick her up, and the first thing she says to me is, "Did you bring me a snack?" Is she serious? Didn't we just have this discussion EVERY morning since school started? After I tell her that I did not bring her a snack because this is her responsibility, there is a MAJOR dramatic breakdown. There's such anger. The tears start flowing, and I get to hear how every other mom provides snacks for their kids when they pick them up, which leads into how much more fun the other moms are than me. This child is extremely motivated, driven, and responsible. She is also kind and caring to everyone OUTSIDE of our family. She's always been sassy, but when she turned 11, the world revolves around her, or at least in her opinion it does. When I was a pre-teen, aka tween, I don't remember being dramatic like this, and my parents have agreed. I wasn't. Believe me. I have asked because there are so many days when I'm at a loss for what to say or do. If I wanted to cry about something, I would go in my room and hide so no one knew I was crying. So, I'm at a loss on how to handle some of the things going on in our lives.

Now, when I say dramatic, I mean like standing on a Broadway stage, acting her heart out, especially for the crying and yelling scenes. My constant question at this point is, "where did this creature come from?" Now, I don't think of my children as creatures 95% of the time, but when there is soap opera/horror movie drama going on in my house with our "tween", that's exactly what I feel like they are. She is a wild animal that cannot be, or does not have the desire to be tamed.

How do we get through these years without going to fist city in the front yard? Because I'm going to tell you, with some of the stuff that flies out of my sixth grader's mouth, the only thing holding me back is Jesus! It has to be, because at that moment, I want to fly at her like a spider monkey "all jacked up on Mt. Dew"! (That is one of my favorite lines from Talladega Nights!) Most of the time, I try to stay fairly calm, but this is probably one of the most challenging parts parenting for me.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to "pray without ceasing". Honestly, my prayer is that both of us make it through the next few years alive, and that she will not argue with EVERYTHING!!!! And in turn, my biggest problem is cutting her off in the middle of a rant, or as she calls it, a concern, that is obviously important to her, and giving my opinion about things. So basically, I'm not listening to her to really listen, I'm listening and thinking about what my reply is going to be. This is something that I am really working on, and it is super hard.

So here are a few questions I have for all of you tween moms:

1) What do you do when you take your tween out shopping, they pick out the clothes they like (and are appropriate), then when it comes time to wear them (the NEXT day), they don't like them anymore? Mine also tells me that she really didn't pick them out, so that's why she doesn't like them. I was standing right there. YOU did pick them out, and you were excited about the clothes. OMG!!!

2) What do you do when your tween has the gift of standing up for what she believes in, but at this point in life, some of it is completely unreasonable, ridiculous, and does it in the completely wrong way? My child will make a great lawyer some day with her phenomenal arguing skills, but she uses them at totally wrong times. We are going to have to work on when it is appropriate to use these skills.

3) What response do you give when the their world is ending because there are no BBQ chips, strawberries, or good (in her terms) ranch dressing in the house? This may sound crazy to you, but to my child, this is a legitimate issue to get upset about. I know, it's actually insane, but in her mind, her tween world is ending.

4) How do we handle the crying outburst when they cannot decide on a food selection from a menu or what clothes to wear (because they have no good clothes because they picked them at the store but don't like them one day later)? One of my dear friends told me her 12 year old daughter had a teary breakdown at a restaurant because she just could not decide on what to order. There is no reason for the indecisiveness, and there is no reason for it to be there, and it comes out of nowhere, and there is nothing we can say or do to stop it!!! Oh, dear Jesus help us!!!!

So, in the meantime, if y'all could just say a prayer for all the tween parents out there, we would all appreciate it!!!!

Side note: I love my kids dearly, and we have so much to be thankful for, but we are a family that deals with real issues.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.